What is the fucking point
“What is the fucking point?” I ask myself a lot as I think about writing something like this newsletter.
A good habit or hobby needs to be grounded in something – a belief or incentive or a goal on the other side that you’re reaching for. Something your steps will count towards.
For example, the best incentive I have found for going to the gym is when I compare myself to someone I am interested in or may have a chance with. That may seem like a pretty lame or unhealthy motivator, but I rarely fall for people quite deeply, so when there’s a potential candidate on my mind, it can be pretty convincing.
There’s something about “I can impress them” that, while maybe not the healthiest mindset, still gets me to go to the gym. When the activity you’re working on directly translates to achieving an outcome is when you start to get the rhythm of progress down. And if there’s a bit of toxicity floating around, why not make it productive?
A newsletter like this is… really quite different than going to the gym. I think the objective I’d like to achieve is a more psychological one.
I feel like there’s a shared experience in a newsletter that’s as open ended as this one. I try to limit myself to topics of dating and relationships and the small or large tristes that I get myself into. Dating and relationships are so much more infinite than the surface of their encounters – so I feel like there is also an equally infinite number of topics to explore around the lessons and morals learned from just other people.
Something I’ve found a lot of solace in on the internet is the similarities of life that so many of us experience. It really can be a lonely world out there, and the amazing thing about the internet is both its ability to make us lonelier (thank you, FOMO) and to make us feel like we’re a part of something. Relationships and our ability to connect with one another are key indicators of long-term happiness… this has been proven again and again. So for me, a newsletter like this is my opportunity to share my experiences as a way of connecting with other people.
There’s a double-purpose of newsletters:
To find a new way of framing ones own life or to flesh out an idea or challenge faced before but not fully grappled with.
To feel connected and comprehensive of experiences and ideas by being reminded of them. Almost like the ideas that were once half-baked are realized through the discussion by an author.
The end-result of these ideas on paper and in an inbox is to voice the complexities of life to a crowd of people I think are very similar to myself. A crowd that likes to chew on ideas and a crowd looking for some comfort in other people’s shared experiences.
I’d like to treat this like a regular regiment of getting my ideas down and out to the world. I do a lot of self-journaling… writing of my own experiences… but they don’t make it out into the wild. I think sharing it with people in a way that doesn’t make me censor myself, and in a way that people can rely on, is a good way to flesh out my ideas on life.
What’s the fucking point though?
Why would I want to do something like write a newsletter into the void and unknown of the world? I’ve tried writing on other topics before, so what makes this different?
The point is accountability. The point is documenting headspace. The point is casting the things that bother and surprise me in a lens that I would have wanted 10 years ago. The point is airing out my grievances, but in such a way as to share the morales of experiences. The point is inviting other people to see themselves in a landscape of ideas that doesn’t reward being yourself – our current straight-forward world.
I’ve read newsletters before in different periods of my life and in different categories – career, wellness, etc. – that have made me eager and excited to read. Hopefully this is one that others can relate to as well, as I was actually surprised to see hardly anyone else on Substack is writing about gay stuff or what it’s like to be gay. There are some contenders for gay-adjacent topics, but not any about dating explicitly.
The point is to achieve comfort for myself and everyone else who needs something like this newsletter.
It feels nebulous. Like a fake objective. But it will be a feeling that you’ll feel and that I’ll feel. The weird wonky stories of the highs and lows and the lessons learned from all of them. It might be a feeling that I never achieve though… it’s one of those forever-in-progress things. And maybe that’s ok?
This might be one of those “journey is the destination” situations, and given that I’m already writing to myself, I think the journey might actually be richer by sharing what I write. I’ve got plenty of practice – now I just have more people involved. More people with more thoughts, perspectives, and commentary to add.
Is that enough to get me to write often? I’m not sure. The fucking point might actually just be to see what happens. Shouldn’t that be how we approach everything in life?
I’ve got a growing list of topics but if you want me to cover any, just throw a comment or reply to this email.